BREAKING THE CYCLE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Working ALL Together To End Sexual And Domestic Violence Around The World.
Rape is a crime of violence. It has nothing to do with sex. Rape is not a crime of prejudice in that it happens to women of all ages, races, marital status, education and social positions.
Also referred to as sexual assault, rape can be defined as forced (or threat of forced) anal, oral, and/or vaginal penetration by part of another person's body, or penetration by an object.
Approximately one in every three women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Eighty percent (80%) of all rape victims know their attacker. More than one-half of all rapes occur in the victim's home.
All women are potential victims of rape. It is estimated that 16 rapes or attempted rapes are reported every hour in the United States . If you or someone you know should become a victim of rape:
Do NOT clean up, bathe, douche or change clothes
Do not straighten up or touch anything at the scene
Call your local law enforcement and/or 911 and
Have a medical examination as soon as possible.
The person who raped you has most likely raped before and will probably do so again. PLEASE report your assault to law enforcement even if you do not plan to prosecute. The information you have may help officials ensure that another woman is not victimized at the hand of your assailant.
RAPE RISK REDUCTION
You always have the right to say NO to sexual activity.
You have the right to set sexual limits before a date by discussing them with your partner.
Be assertive.
Stay Sober: Watch out for dates who try to get you drunk or high.
Don't leave a party with someone you don't know well.
Consider using the buddy system at parties.
Trust your feelings and intuition; if it feels wrong, it probably is.
People are responsible for their own behavior.
Never force anyone to have sex or engage in sexual activity.
Never try to talk someone into having sex.
Sex is not a game or contest.
If you are confused about what your partner wants or is thinking, ASK!
Communicate with your friends and dates about sexual assault; educate them if necessary. NOBODY DESERVES TO BE RAPED!
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
According to the American Medical Association, more than 12 million American women will be abused by a current or former partner at some point in their lives.
One 1995 study found that US companies lose an estimated 3 to 4 billion dollars annually as a result of workers experiencing domestic violence. Another study reports that 50% of battered women missed at least three days of work a month; 64% were late to work because of ongoing violence; and 75% used their work time as a "safe space" to call family, friends, physicians and lawyers.
Sexual assault is at an epidemic level in the world, one woman in eight will be a sexual assault victim in her lifetime. Approximately 2 million women are reported as rape victims each year. Sexual assault against children under the age of eighteen happens to one girl in three and one boy in five!
Sexual assault against women is closely associated with the problem of domestic violence and often occurs within the family unit. Domestic violence has been defined as assaultive and coercive behavior that includes physical, sexual, and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion by adults or adolescents against their intimate partners.
FACTS ABOUT BATTERING
Battering of women is the most underreported crime in America. Twelve million American women are battered each year. Ninety-five percent (95%) of all spouse abuse cases are women who are hurt by men. Battering occurs among people of all races. Battering tends to increase and become more violent over time. Many batterers learned violent behavior growing up in an abusive family.
BATTERING AND PREGNANCY
Battering may start or become worse during pregnancy. Battering may lead to miscarriage. Battering may lead to alcohol or drug abuse (a form of abuse to the child). 25% - 45% of all women who are battered are battered during pregnancy. Battering during pregnancy may be an indication of what life holds in store for the unborn child. Pregnant women in battering relationships have increased risk of law birth weight infants.
EFFECTS OF BATTERING
On the abused:
Isolation from others; low self esteem, depression; increased alcohol and drug abuse; emotional problems, illness; pain and injuries; permanent physical damage; death.
On children:
Emotional problems, illness; increased fears, anger, severe bedwetting; increased risk of abuse, injuries, and death; repetition of abusive behavior as children and upon reaching adulthood; death.
On the batterer:
Increased belief that power and control are achieved by violence; increase in violent behavior; increased contact with law enforcement; increased emotional problems; decreased self esteem; suicidal behavior.
On society:
Increase in crime; increased costs of law enforcement, legal proceedings, medical treatment, psychological counseling, and social services; costs of prison; perpetuation of cycle of violence; perpetuation of myths of inequality of women and men; decrease in quality of life.
CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
Phase I - Tension Building Phase
Could last a few weeks, months or years.
Abuser: Edgy, may become verbally abusive, minor hitting and slapping.
Victim: Feels tense, afraid, like "walking on egg shells", helpless and submissive.
Phase II - Serious Battering Phase
An incident usually occurs during this time and could include hitting, slapping, kicking, choking, use of objects or weapons, sexual abuse and more verbal threats. The tension becomes unbearable. The victim may provoke an incident just to get it over with.
Phase III - Honeymoon or Calm Phase
The length of this phase decreases over time.
Abuser: May deny violence; blame it on alcohol, drugs or victim, apologize, promise it won't happen again, promise to get counseling, quit drinking, etc. May display loving behavior such as buying gifts, flowers, or doing something special for the victim.
Victim: Trusting; wants to believe partner; only wants violence to stop; hopes for change; may receive pressure from family or friends to give the abuse another chance.
Helping Hands International SERVICES
24-Hour Crisis Line - We provide immediate crisis intervention, referral and information to the caller. We assess the urgency of the situation and may follow up with emergency overnight shelter and/or housing at an existing shelter facility, as needed.
Legal Advocacy - We provide legal options for each client and court accompaniment as requested.
Individual Support - Peer counselors available to discuss with the client their needs and available options.
Group Support - Clients gathering each month to share their issues, successes and concerns.
Community Awareness - We provide Public Service Announcements through local cable TV, radio and newspaper; a Speaker's Bureau, law enforcement and volunteer training; school awareness programs and distribution of posters, flyers and other informational pamphlets.
IMPORTANT NUMBERS
For Additional Information Call:
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-SAFE
(800) 787-3224
Rape, Abuse & Incest Hotline
(800) 656-HOPE
For crisis help, call your local police
for more information on sexual violence:
National Sexual Violence Resource Center
THE FACTS
Domestic violence is the single most un reported crime in the U.S. Battering is the #1 crime and cause of injury to women in the U.S. 37% of obstetric patients are physically abused during their pregnancies. Battering during pregnancy is the #1 cause of birth defects. 63% of boys from 11-20 years of age, serving time for homicide, killed their mother's abuser.
Criminal Victimization, 2002 is available through the Bureau of Justice Statistic's web site, www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/welcome.html
SIGNS TO LOOK FOR
Many people are interested in ways that they can predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who will be physically abusive. Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in abusive personalities; the last four signs are almost always seen in the person who is a batterer. If the person has three or more of the other behaviors, there is a strong potential for physical violence. (ie. extreme jealousy over ridiculous things).
Jealousy - An abuser will say this is a sign of love, jealousy has nothing to do with love, it's a sign of possessiveness. They'll question who you talk to, accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, or children. They'll check your car mileage or ask friends to watch you.
Controlling Behavior - The abuser will say they're concerned for your safety, or your need to make good decisions. They'll be angry if you're late coming back from the store, they will question where you went, and who you talked to
Quick Involvement - The abuser may come on like a whirlwind claiming "love at first site. They will pressure you to commit to them.
Unrealistic Expectations - The abuser is very dependent on the victim for their needs; they expect the perfect spouse or parent.
Isolation - The abuser may try to cut off resources (ie. friends, family, car and money.) Keeping the victim isolated keeps them dependent on the abuser.
Blames Others for His or Her Problems - The abuser can't take responsibility for their own actions or mistakes.
Blames Others for His or Her Feelings - The abuser will say things like, "You make me mad". The abuser will manipulate the victim by blaming them.
Hypersensitivity - The abuser is easily insulted, claiming their feelings are hurt, when they're really mad, or taking set backs as personal attacks. They will rant and rave about the injustice of things that happen to them (ie. being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket or being asked to help with chores.)
Cruelty to Animals or Children - This person may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain or suffering; they expect children to do things beyond their ability (ie. whips a two-year-old for wetting a diaper or may tease children until they cry.) Sixty percent (60%) of abusers also abuse their own children.
"Playful" Use of Force in Sex - The abuse wants to dominate when it comes to sex. They may show little concern about whether you want to have sex and may use sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance. They may even start having sex with you while you are sleeping, demand sex when you're ill or tired.
Verbal Abuse - In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, the abuser may degrade you and run down your accomplishments. They will tell you that you're stupid, unable to function without them, waking you up to verbally abuse you or not letting you go to sleep.
Rigid Sex Roles - The male abuser expects a woman to serve him, that she must stay at home, that she must obey him in all things - even things that are criminal in nature. He will see women as inferior to men and unable to be a whole person without a man.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - The abuser can be very nice one moment and explode in anger the next. This does not indicate some special "mental problem" or that they're "crazy". Explosive anger and mood swings are typical of abusers and these behaviors are related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity.
Past Battering - The abuser may admit to being abusive in the past, but will say the victim made them do it. Situational circumstances do not make a person an abuser.
Threats of Violence - This would include any threat of physical force meant to control the victim. "I'll slap your mouth off", "I'll kill you", "I'll break you neck." A batterer will excuse this behavior by saying, "Everyone talks like that."
Breaking or Striking Objects - This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking loved possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize and intimidate the victim into submission. Again, this is a very remarkable behavior; only very immature people beat on objects in the presence of others in order to threaten them.
Any Force During an Argument - This may involve an abuser holding the victim down, physically restraining them from leaving the room, pushing and shoving. If you recognize any of these signs in your relationship, please call for more information.
WHAT YOU NEED TO TAKE
Identification
Driver's license
Children's birth certificates
Your birth certificate
Social security card(s) for you and your children
Welfare identificationFinancial
Money and/or credit cards
Bank books
CheckbooksLegal Papers
Your protective order
Lease, rental agreement, house deed
Car registration and insurance papers
Health and Life insurance papers
Medical records for you and your childrenChildren
School records
Work permits/Green card/VISA
Passport
Divorce papers
Custody papersOther
House and car keys
Medications
Jewelry
Address book
Phone card
Pictures of you and your children
Children's small toys
Toiletries/diapers
Change of clothes for you and your children
CHILD ABUSE
The Problem: In 1996, Child Protective Service agencies determined that almost 1 million children were victims of substantiated or indicated child abuse and neglect. (US Dept. of Health and Human Services)
1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 16. (FBI, 1990)
75-95% of these victims know their offender. (FBI, 1990)
For crisis help, contact the National Child Abuse Hotline at (800) 422-4453)
For more information, National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect
Religious Aspects of the Problem:
Too often, scripture has been used to justify the abuse of children.
Within our churches, synagogues and other religious communities, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 16.
Religious communities are called to protect their most vulnerable members, yet the norm in most religious communities is silence about child abuse and child sexual abuse.
Too often, religious traditions have taught children to "honor" their parents and not question their actions, even when it hurts them.
TREATMENT AND PREVENTION OF CHILD ABUSE
Helping Hands International directly serves abused children through community outreach - depending upon schedules and available resources, outreach efforts may include speaking engagements, participating in health fairs or conferences - referrals to residential treatment facilities, group homes, foster care, and child abuse prevention programs.
Department of Justice Violence Against Women Site
National Domestic Violence Hotline
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
The Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence
Asian Task Force Against Domestic Violence
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community
National Institute of Drug Abuse
ABA Commission on Domestic Violence